When I asked a guy what a line in his dating profile meant and he replied, “Would like to see you sitting on my face in 1 hour tops,” I knew that men on dating apps in Berlin needed some help with their conversational skills. There is an entire Instagram page dedicated to how cringeworthy, outrageous, and ridiculous these kind of messages are (from just one dating app!) and yet, men still continue to send them. If you’re using these apps only to find hookups, more power to you, but there’s a different way to go about it and we’re here to tell you how.
To put it into perspective, imagine you found a really cool bar near where you live where the vibe was cool, you could socialize, and meet new, attractive people. Then someone let the word out about this low key spot and suddenly it gets inundated with really annoying people who ruin the atmosphere by making you and your friends feel uncomfortable with overt sexual references and comments about your body. That’s how women feel when trying to find dates on dating apps but all they get are messages like: “Let’s fuck”, “Nice boobs”, or “My penis is hard”.
Single women in Berlin who are interested in dating seem to be at a loss. You have the choice of way too many places where people go specifically to have sex it seems unreasonable that men continue to throw unwanted sexual messages into their inboxes. Given that the probability of meeting someone offline is slim (due to the infrequency of starting conversations in public spaces), women are reluctantly still using dating apps despite the pervy messages. With each right swipe she hopes that she’ll be able to find a guy who won’t immediately invite her over to his place or talk about how much he enjoys looking at her body parts.
Unfortunately, women now expect these kinds of messages on certain apps. Tinder has long since gone downhill, as a majority of guys who message ask for or reference sex within the first few messages. Bumble used to be a bit of safe haven, as the women are in charge of sending the first message, and it was seen as an app for “more serious daters”. But that hasn’t stopped men from sexting. Others like OkCupid, where a match isn’t required to send a message, also present unwanted advances.
So, when does this get to the solution referenced in paragraph one you may be asking. It’s so simple we only need one sentence: try treating women with respect despite the fact that you’ve never met them. Many times we use online platforms with “internet courage” by treating the person on the other end as if they’re not an actual human being. Think about it this way, would ever walk up to a woman you thought was attractive on the U-Bahn and say to her face, “Wanna fuck?” (We’re hoping you said no, if you’re considering it or done it, you’re beyond our help.)
People are looking for a variety of interactions on dating apps. It won’t kill you to take the time to figure out which. Before leading with sex, establish what the person on the other end of your conversation is looking for. Many men put “Not looking for a relationship” in their profile so it’s clear. If you don’t want to go that route just send it in a message:
“Hey! Nice to match with you. I’m not looking for anything serious but would you be interested in hooking up?”
Just be to the point without creeping the other person out. Women will appreciate your honesty and will either politely decline or set up plans to meet. If they decline, there are plenty of other fish in the sea also looking for sex.
To be fair, women may send unwanted sexual reference as well, but we’re not talking to them right now so stop trying to change the subject. One day women will get so tired of blocking or turning down guys they’ll stop using dating apps all together. Then there will be no one left for you to send your unwanted dick pics to.