While we’re keen on giving advice to help men out who are searching for dates on dating apps, there are many men living in Berlin who prefer to meet people face to face. Kudos to you! But woman are often confused about why men will catch their eye and smile but never say anything. Let’s stop the habit of staring at each other and start talking! To help with that, we will take a break from our series Men on Dating Apps to share an easy way to make the first move in person.
We all can admit that approaching someone in public to express romantic interest is hard. For some, it’s difficult to find a balance between being creepy and charming. Let’s also take into account that every woman is different. While some women look forward to you approaching them to start a conversation, others will walk the other way if you make eye contact with them.
It’s also fair to say that all of the responsibility doesn’t have to be on the man. Women in Berlin are often the ones to make the first move. But for women from other countries – where the social tradition is for men to show their interest in women – they may not be aware of the social norm here.
After lots of conversations with both men and women on their experiences being approached or approaching people in public – we’ve come up with an easy opener that we believe will remove the creep factor and work in almost any setting.
Berlin is a very social city full of people. Who knows who you’ve passed by at a park, local neighborhood hangout, or house party on any given day. That’s why approaching someone and telling them that they look familiar is an easy way to get a conversation started. “Don’t I know you from…?” may seem cheesy but when put into practice, it has turned into meaningful conversations and even dates for us and our friends.
It’s an approach that doesn’t involve coming on too strong with a pick up line or compliment, you present yourself as a friendly, familiar face, and it gives the other person the idea that maybe you run in the same social circles.
The key to this approach is to put as much truth into it as possible. Don’t get creative with, “Don’t I know you from the Lenny Kravitz after party on that rooftop?” You have a friend named Chris who frequently host parties at his flat, start there. While it is a fib, it’s a tiny and forgivable one – like telling your friend that you love the homemade dip they make for every party.
“Hey, weren’t you at Chris’ party on May Day/ during Karneval der Kulturen / to watch the World Cup?” Choosing popular events or days increase the chances that they were actually at a party during that time – making this seem like less of a ruse. They may think about it for a second and then say no with a smile but now you’ve gotten the initial approach out of the way and opened the door to start a conversation.
Apologize for the case of “mistaken identity” then introduce yourself. When a guy friend tried this he said the tactic made it much easier for him to go up to someone on the street. The woman he approached even joined him for drinks directly after.
So when you see someone you fancy while walking through your neighborhood, on the tram home from work, or while ordering a drink at a bar, just tell them that they look familiar. If she’s not interested then it’s easy to pick up on that – you can just say sorry then walk away. But if she is, who knows, maybe one day they’ll actually end up at one of Chris’ parties with you.